Epiphany.

These past two weeks have been crazy busy.

Especially this one.

My students had a juried competition yesterday and getting prepared to take over 30 middle schoolers to any event is a chore. Add the last minute creative changes to their work, matting, paper work, late nights away from home and all with out a right hand for a few days (long story) then you have me with an insanely high level of stress.

Was it worth it?

Definitely.

Afterwards I decided it was time to have my first real night out since we've had our girls. A lot of doubts about leaving them ran through my mind, but listening to some incredible live music, I found myself mid epiphany last night.

It's easy to lose yourself in a marriage, to forget who you are as an individual and only view the spouse you are. The responsibilities can be overbearing, and the routine confining. Parenthood can be the same way.

I made the mistake once of losing who I really was once. I made it a plan then,  to never let that happen as a mommy. Of course that's easier said then done but so far it has been great.

Last night I felt so at ease. I was doing something I loved, meeting new people, absorbing all of this wonderful music and creative energy - and I was able to do it as a wife, and a mother.

My epiphany was it doesn't have to be one or another. I can have it all.

I can be a mom, wife, and employed. I can be a friend, and a daughter. I can be a Christian and an artist. I am a designer, and domestic, a lover of music and art, and a boring homebody. I can be a good teacher who invests in my students, and not neglect the aforementioned in doing so.

During some beautiful vocal harmonies, I was reminded of a song that helped me stay positive during my time dealing with infertility and loss. This song warmed my heart during those times it began to feel cold.  Now it's my motherhood anthem.

My Heart With You Lyrics

Waited a hundred years to see your face,
And I would wait a hundred more
If only to be near you,
To have you and to hear you.
Isn't that what time is for?

I sailed a thousand ships in search of you.
Traveled to distant land.
I dove for sunken gold.
I took what I could hold,
But you're still the greatest treasure I've held in my hands.

My love, the reason I survive,
Trust we'll be together soon.
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.

A tattered photograph my pocket holds.
I keep you secretly.
I studied every line.
You're etched upon my mind
For not a million soldiers could take you from me.

My love, the reason I survive
Trust we'll be together soon
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.
You

My love, the reason I survive,
Trust we'll be together soon.
Should our fire turn to dark,
Take my heart with you.
Take my heart with you.
Take my heart with you.

I want to love them with everything I have, all of the time. I don't want to take for granted what I've been given. I know I say that a lot, but it's true,  I'd do anything for these girls.

I look forward to many more minutes, hours, days, months and years of not only being their mommy, but being everything else I want to be as well.

Have a great week.